Which is worse: London Underground or Paris Métro?
Let’s size-up our two competitors. London Underground is longer at 250 miles long to Paris Métro’s titchy 133 miles. But the Métro has more lines (16 versus 11) and more stations (303) than London (270). The Paris network also carries more passengers (1.5 billion annually) and is, in fact, the second busiest metro system after Moscow. London, with its 1.13 billion travellers a year is only eleventh busiest, a ranking which may surprise the sardines on the Central Line at 8.30 am. London is the great grandaddy of underground rail systems, opening the first line in the world in 1863. Paris, the young scamp, came along in 1900 – it was actually only the second subway in the world at this point.
But biggest, longest and oldest doesn’t answer the question: which is worst? To do that, we’ll be looking at which is the smelliest, most vermin-infested and urine-soaked. All aboard!
WILDLIFE
London Underground
Spotting a tiny Tube mouse for the first time can be shocking (tourists usually freak out). But if you’re planning on using the Underground for any length of time, you’d better get used to seeing these plucky little survivors because there are a lot.
Paris Métro
Surprisingly few mice . Those that do make an appearance appear to be the same breed as the London ones, about the size of a chouquette, their coats the same dark dusty grey-brown as the ground below the rails.
Worse? This one’s for London, on the basis that most people don’t like rodents.
UNFORTUNATE TOILET-BASED INCIDENTS
Photo: Metro relief by Oliver Degabriele. CC BY 2.0
London Underground
Sometimes smells of wee but I’ve never seen anyone actually do the deed.
Paris Métro
Men urinating is a regular sight but that pales in comparison with seeing a homeless woman shit on the stairs at Nation during evening rush hour.
Worse? Paris, easily.
AWFUL HUMAN BEHAVIOUR / CRIME
Photo: I shot the sheriff by Chris JL. CC BY 2.0
London Underground
I’ve never witnessed any actual violence on the Tube however, shortly after 9/11, some obnoxious young men picked out a man of Asian appearance and shouted “You Taliban? You Tabliban?” repeatedly. Scumbags.
Looking at actual police statistics gives us a broader picture of crime. In 2014/15 a total of 9,599 crimes were reported on London Underground and DLR (including 4,107 passenger thefts, 2,255 violence against persons and 567 sexual offences.)
Paris Métro
One particularly busy morning I saw a middle-aged business woman punch – PUNCH – another woman on the back of the head because she wouldn’t/couldn’t let her into the already overcrowded carriage. Not the sort of behaviour you expect from this sort of person and all the more shocking for precisely this reason.
Parisian crime statistics available are, unfortunately, from 2007. They give a total of 20,000 crimes reported (among which 18,500 are thefts and 117 sexual offenses). That’s double the total of London.
Worse? Paris but with reservations as the statistics are not from the same period.
STRIKES
Photo: Transit Distress by Eric Parker. CC BY 2.0
I was unable to find any recent statistics for either city. By my count there have been three strikes so far this year (31st March 2016) in Paris, and there are seven planned in London for the first six months of 2016. But this is unreliable information. If anyone can point me in the direction of strike statistics, please let me know.
Worse? Insufficient data. I suspect it’s Paris but can’t prove it.
STYLE
London Underground
SIGN – Instantly recognisable and reproduced endless on t-shirts, mugs, tattoos, whatever elses.
EXTERIOR – The ox-blood tiled exterior is the classic design that many bring to mind when picturing a Tube station.
Paris Métro
SIGN – An ornate 1930s red cast-iron sign topped with a spherical lamp. Not used in all stations but a common enough sight.
EXTERIOR – The famous Guimard-designed entrance above is considered by many to be a work of art in itself and, while not all Parisian stations can boast such magnificent entries, there are enough beautiful Métro stations to make the descent into the abyss a regular pleasure.
Worse? Difficult, difficult. Paris has easily the most stylish entrances but London’s Tube symbol is a true design icon. I’m calling this one a draw.
PRETENDING TO BE THE TRAIN DRIVER
Photo: DLR Canary Wharf by Tadie88. CC BY 2.0
London Underground
The DLR (Docklands Light Railway) is an automated, ie driverless, train with a seating arrangement at the front that seems to have been designed to allow people to sit at the front saying, “Choo-choo!” At one point on its route the train goes overground allowing travellers views of the weird world of Canary Wharf. Even better, at one point the rail track goes up and down, like a rollercoaster for the extremely young or nervous.
Paris Métro
Line 14 was the first line to be powered by invisible robots, followed by Line 1, allowing Parisians to experience the joy of whizzing through tunnels head on. The major drawback is that the banks of seats are at a 90 degree angle to the front window, making it difficult to pretend to be the driver with any realism. Line 14 is entirely underground but Line 1 comes out of the tunnel just before La Defense, offering a brief view but pleasurable view of western Paris.
Worse: Sorry, Paris, nice try but nothing beats the DLR.
OVERGROUND SCENERY
London Underground
Little of note. When overground, passengers have views of suburbs, grafitti-covered walls, weeds and not much else.
Paris Métro
There are several sightseeing opportunities to be had on the Paris Métro, notably line 6 which crosses the Seine a certain Tour familiar to, well, everyone. Line 2 pokes its head above ground in Villette; less glamorous but with lots to see all the same.
Worse? London. For sightseeing, you’re better off taking one of those open-top buses.
SMELLY FOOD
Photo: Platform art? by Lettuce1. CC BY 2.0
London Underground
Plenty of smelly foods are eaten en route. Burgers, chips, kebabs – the lot. And it stinks up the carriage good style.
Paris Métro
There’s less subterrenean snacking in Paris and when it does happen, it tends to be more baguette-based with cold, non-stinky fillings.
Worse? London has it by a nose.
ASKING FOR MONEY
Photo: SDF Métro 6 by LONG Pham. CC BY 2.0
London Underground
People begging for money is a regular sight on the Tube, usually in the form of a person getting on the train, making a plea in a loud voice, then moving up the carriage collecting from anyone willing. The other variation is young Roma woman holding a baby or small child passing through the train asking for money. The use of children is particularly upsetting but, then, that is the intention.
Paris Métro
There is far more begging on the Métro, and in Paris in general. If you travel anywhere outside of rush hour, you’re likely to encounter someone begging for money, often Roma women with babies as described above. One peculiarity of the Paris network is where someone, often young men, pass through the carriage placing cards in empty seats (or handing them to those willing to accept them) explaining their predicament and asking for money. They then return, collecting the cards and any donations given. Another, quite heartbreaking sight, is old people who look otherwise quite ordinary, begging for money. Recently it was a man of around 80 who came and sang in return for a few coins. Crushingly sad to see in this great and rich capital.
Worse? Paris.
OVERCROWDING
London Underground
Like me getting into my jeans post-baby, it’s a tight squeeze. Over-4 people per square metre has been reported on the Tube.
Paris Métro
An extraordinary 6.5 people per square metre maximum in Paris. Perhaps because Parisians are thinner?
Worse? Paris. Based on the people per square metre, and the number of passengers using a smaller network. But from personal experience, they’re as bad as each another.
HEAT
London Underground
Air conditioning exists on the Metropolitan, Hammersmith & City, Circle and Disctrict lines, all of which are in shallow tunnels. However, large parts of the network are in deep, poorly ventilated tunnels where conventional air conditioning systems cannot be used because of lack of space and difficulties in dispersing air. Other methods have been proposed or trialled but without great success so far. The top temperature recorded was 47°C during the 2006 heatwave. Newspapers regularly draw unfavourable comparisons between summer Tube conditions and legal requirements for the transportation of cattle.
Paris Métro
Different cooling systems exist across the Métro: extractors, air conditioning and – woop woop – opening the windows. Paris faces the same problems of London (ie space, depth of tunnels) which prevents the full scale roll out of air conditioning across the network.
Worst? London.
COST
London Underground
A single ticket for zone 1 costs an eye-watering £4.90 (€6.20).
A monthly pass for all zones is £323.40 (€410).
Paris Métro
A single ticket for all zones (zone 1 RER) is £1.40 (€1.80). Let’s buy two and throw one away, they’re so cheap!
A monthly pass for all zones is £55 (€70).
Worst? I’m starting to really feel sorry for Londoners now, this price difference is obscene.
RESULTS
After this exhaustive and highly scientific study I can reveal that the worst underground rail network is… a draw! Both networks scored 5 points a piece, with two questions either a draw or unable to be answered. This was entirely accidental but, quite honestly, I’m happy with this result as I have a lot of love for both systems. Indeed both are a credit to their cities, and life would be a whole lot more difficult, slower and duller without them.
SOURCES
A lot of this is based on personal experience. I spent 10 years taking the London Underground daily (Northern, Piccadilly, Victoria, Central and District lines were my most frequent haunts) and have done the same on the Paris Métro for the past six years (most often 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 9 and 13).
Non-personal information comes from the sites listed below.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/London_Underground
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/London_Underground_cooling
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paris_M%C3%A9tro
https://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/M%C3%A9tro_de_Paris
http://www.citymetric.com/transport/which-london-s-hottest-tube-line-1186
http://www.20minutes.fr/societe/1241373-20131024-20131024-comment-voyageurs-supportent-enfer-metro
http://content.tfl.gov.uk/crime-statistics-bulletin-1415.pdf
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Architecture_of_the_Paris_Métro
http://content.tfl.gov.uk/adult-fares.pdf
http://www.ratp.fr/fr/ratp/c_21137/forfaits-navigo-mois-et-semaine/
Photo Credit: Photo: Paris Tube by FUMIGRAPHIK CC BY
